Sleep
I barely sleep. Many are the things that keep me awake. Only physical exhaustion can make me fall asleep, that too if no other necessity restricts me to do so.
I find reasons not to sleep. I get scolding from my Amma whenever she finds me not in bed by late nights. She also puts forward various causes starting from the use of mobile phone to wasting time in the whole days and doing stuffs at nights. And I find numerous excuses to get away with it. Happens to you too right?
It was not my intention to do so in the first place, to be awake at night. In the beginning, the situations, my life style gave me grounds to be so. It's been almost 9 years when I look back since I have been slept in a healthy way. Unbelievable for my own self. Do you know how did I managed to get comfortable with it? I did it firstly for my friend. To talk and listen. It felt good. We used to have conversations till 5 in the morning. And by that time, it was time for me to study and get ready to go to school. Not everyday this happened. Still, it was the start. Because, till then I had not done this way to my sleep. Another reason was nothing other than my studies. I used to enjoy studying at night. Reading out loud the chapters irrespective of the subjects I deal with made me excited and curious.
Higher secondary was a different level. Staying far away from school and the need of family-time contributed to very late night sleep and waking up early. College days were not exceptional. One way or the other it became my habit.
An unhealthy one may be, but, now the thoughts of sleeping is a bit scary for me. I feel like living that much less, doing that much less from the given time. I want to do so many things, I want to know about so much matters that which makes me happy, that which helps to discover more, that which excites me, that which makes me think, that which makes me feel alive, that which entertains me, that which helps me to improve and better than I am already are, to know the ways of the universe. If somebody asks me what all these for, well, that is an unanswerable question for me. I don't wish to know the answer, so, I don't want to think about that one thing probably. Because, I just do love to indulge in those and the rest is of no thought in my according. Reading, music and talking with people who connect with me are the affairs I engage myself with in those times.
Thinking has become so become me that I am thinking even in my sleep as well and I am very conscious about it. Late night thoughts make us aware about the thoughts that are bothering and disturbing us. But when you fall asleep, they start reflecting in the forms of dreams and many do forget about them, some try to interpret them, some do not care about them. That way it is subjective. For me, thinking has replaced dreams. Even when I sleep, I am aware and conscious of my flow of thoughts and each time I wake up, the first question I ask myself is, "Did I really sleep today?" Everyday I come up with a better way, conclusion and perspective to the concepts and notions I was contemplating myself with lately. I do not know whether I am sleeping or not. I do not know what it is taking place. I do not know how it is affecting me. Physically, I go through severe head aches every time I wake up, but, I do not feel it once I start doing anything. Actually, I do not listen to my body when I am involved. But then again, at night if I sit silent and calm, I can feel the pain inside my head. What to call it, I am trying to articulate.
I find reasons not to sleep. I get scolding from my Amma whenever she finds me not in bed by late nights. She also puts forward various causes starting from the use of mobile phone to wasting time in the whole days and doing stuffs at nights. And I find numerous excuses to get away with it. Happens to you too right?
It was not my intention to do so in the first place, to be awake at night. In the beginning, the situations, my life style gave me grounds to be so. It's been almost 9 years when I look back since I have been slept in a healthy way. Unbelievable for my own self. Do you know how did I managed to get comfortable with it? I did it firstly for my friend. To talk and listen. It felt good. We used to have conversations till 5 in the morning. And by that time, it was time for me to study and get ready to go to school. Not everyday this happened. Still, it was the start. Because, till then I had not done this way to my sleep. Another reason was nothing other than my studies. I used to enjoy studying at night. Reading out loud the chapters irrespective of the subjects I deal with made me excited and curious.
Higher secondary was a different level. Staying far away from school and the need of family-time contributed to very late night sleep and waking up early. College days were not exceptional. One way or the other it became my habit.
An unhealthy one may be, but, now the thoughts of sleeping is a bit scary for me. I feel like living that much less, doing that much less from the given time. I want to do so many things, I want to know about so much matters that which makes me happy, that which helps to discover more, that which excites me, that which makes me think, that which makes me feel alive, that which entertains me, that which helps me to improve and better than I am already are, to know the ways of the universe. If somebody asks me what all these for, well, that is an unanswerable question for me. I don't wish to know the answer, so, I don't want to think about that one thing probably. Because, I just do love to indulge in those and the rest is of no thought in my according. Reading, music and talking with people who connect with me are the affairs I engage myself with in those times.
Thinking has become so become me that I am thinking even in my sleep as well and I am very conscious about it. Late night thoughts make us aware about the thoughts that are bothering and disturbing us. But when you fall asleep, they start reflecting in the forms of dreams and many do forget about them, some try to interpret them, some do not care about them. That way it is subjective. For me, thinking has replaced dreams. Even when I sleep, I am aware and conscious of my flow of thoughts and each time I wake up, the first question I ask myself is, "Did I really sleep today?" Everyday I come up with a better way, conclusion and perspective to the concepts and notions I was contemplating myself with lately. I do not know whether I am sleeping or not. I do not know what it is taking place. I do not know how it is affecting me. Physically, I go through severe head aches every time I wake up, but, I do not feel it once I start doing anything. Actually, I do not listen to my body when I am involved. But then again, at night if I sit silent and calm, I can feel the pain inside my head. What to call it, I am trying to articulate.
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